She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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