a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
