Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
