I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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