I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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