just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
