So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
