So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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