your parents love me but you hate me
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
