my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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