guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
