I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
