Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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