OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
