I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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