i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
