I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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