3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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