so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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