We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We need to get me chipped asap
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
