So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
