Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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