So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
