Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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