Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Ladies don't puke and tell
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize