We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
