well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
