Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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