after a month anything with tits is on the radar
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
