so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
