"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
