i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
