i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
