How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
All the doctor said was why
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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