he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night