So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.