Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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