I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
