I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
