So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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