2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
