So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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