NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
