Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
