is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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