i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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