I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
