Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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