did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
