there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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