Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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