if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
