Your tits are I can't wait for
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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