so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
