just survived the first fart of the relationship.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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