It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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