bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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