went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
