if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
