the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
