why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
