I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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