there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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