if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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