My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
