I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
