If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just pynch a tree in the face
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
did i walk over a car last night?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
